Raise your hand if you felt just plain sorry for James Franco and Anne Hathaway when Sunday's Academy Awards telecast was finally finished.
Yeah, me, too.
Poor things. They tried, though, didn't they?
They went into the ceremony as hosts of Hollywood's biggest night with all sort of smiles and zeal. The word "earnest" comes to mind.
Earnest, however, isn't generally all that entertaining. Or funny.
More importantly, though, the material they were handed by the Oscar writers wasn't particularly entertaining or funny, either.
Really, if you have to trot out James Franco in drag — for, let's face it, no good reason — in a sad effort to get a laugh, you seriously are struggling in the comedy department.
But at least his brief appearance as Marilyn Monroe wasn't offensive. Some of the jokes they thrust on poor Hathaway were not only unbecoming of a lady, but tragically tasteless.
Suggesting that getting naked was a formula for nominations was almost cute compared to other "laughs" of the night.
Lesbians were harangued — again, for no good reason — in an attempt to suggest this year's crop of films was a boon to same-sex women. It was a stretch, at best, and fell woefully flat.
Rightfully so. It was as if the writers thought the word "lesbians" in and of itself was somehow good for a guffaw.
But the worst joke-fense was Franco's scripted suggestion that some of the year's film titles were sexually suggestive — films like "Winter's Bone" and "Rabbit Hole," two serious dramas. It was the kind of crass and childish joke usually reserved for the boys locker room at a middle school, not a televised ceremony that, at the very least, purports to be elegant.
If I were Franco, I would have flat-out refused to deliver that one.
But the kid was dismally trapped in an unfunny, ill-advised mess.
Whoopi Goldberg — a four-time Oscar host herself and, thus, in perfect position to weigh in on the evening — made the best point I've heard in the aftermath of this hosting debacle of the year (it made the Golden Globe's choice of übersnarky Ricky Gervais last month look like a stroke of genius).
Goldberg pointed out that the Oscar's lacked someone who could take charge of a live telecast and be the audience's guide through surprising or inspiring moments.
Indeed, neither Hathaway nor Franco came on stage with a well-executed segue from a light or even interesting moment from a presenter or a winner. There was no in-the-moment feel to the evening, and certainly precious few well-written quips.
And, side note, why not bring Whoopi back to host? Or Alec Baldwin. Or Steve Martin. Or Jon Stewart, acerbic New York wit and all. Or, um, anybody funny who's quick on their feet and has a sense of stage presence.
It seemed like the Oscars producers — aiming for a youthful audience with the Franco-Hathaway team — attempted to hedge their bets a bit by bringing out one of the most successful Academy Awards hosts in recent memory, Billy Crystal, to deliver a short monologue.
It almost seemed he was coming in like the calvary, to save the day and take over the rest of the show.
Alas, it was not to be.
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